NABB

March 30, 2019

Not another bloody blog. Seriously, everyone has one, everyone meaning probably less than 0.5% of the worlds population but that's probably 0.4999999% more than needed, as let's face it, not many people have interesting things to say. 

 

These days, if you write it down then for some it automatically becomes true, you eat well at home? Oh, you are a nutritionist? Went for a run once? Online workout coach. Procreated? ooooh I can write a parenting Blog.

 

In world where everyone is an expert you need to prove yourself with a qualification, but, most of that time, the qualification isn’t worth the paper its printed on, a good friend living here in Singapore had his degree certificate in Latin, the authorities here sent it to the Mexican embassy to get it interpreted. Everyone has a degree these days, to paraphrase words from Speech of Arrested development “And to think people spend all that money on big colleges, Still most of y'all come out confused”.

 

So how do we know who to trust???

 

I was at birthday drinks for a friend of mine from Goldman Sachs, we were obviously all drunk as her boss tried to hire me and I had to explain that Goldman’s wouldn’t hire me as I didn’t have a degree, his reply was along the line of isn’t 12 years experience enough? and I had to say probably not enough for Goldman’s HR department, in the middle of this my friend piped up with, “Amazing isn’t it, yet I can work with the bank with just a performance art degree”, not sure she did her career any favours with that comment.

 

A recovering alcoholic friend of mine had a minor operation and was given an opioid for the pain, took it, felt great and decided then and there, to never take one again, as he knew that a slippery slope. He felt sooo good on one pill that he knew where it would lead, was he an expert? no, did he make the right decision, yes. Amazing how thousands of Drs in the US couldn’t work that one out, although hard to see past the zeroes in the bank account.

 

The vegetarian has informed me that I’ve got to watch series by an “expert tidier“, who’s main premise is to make you get rid of stuff, well fuck me, what a revelation, if I chucked all my stuff out the house (including the kids) my place would be tidy as well, but it would also be empty “if a messy desk shows a messy mind then what does an empty desk show.” Apparently she has worked out that the average person should have no more than 30 books, so how did she come to that figure? did she find an equation? did she work out how many books fit on a Billy bookcase? or did she just pick a number out of thin air? Im just as bad, I’m criticising her and I haven’t even watched her program.

 

I was sitting at work attempting and failing to explain that “ill revert back to you” is not an acceptable way of saying “ill get back to you’, Revert back to you, really? didn’t ever realise you were me. After showing the lawyer who sat behind me the online dictionary definition she still wouldn’t have it, “I’ll email my cousin, he went to Cambridge” eh?, what difference does that make? Now, if he’s the reincarnation of Samuel Johnson then you have me, but I’m pretty sure he went to Oxford.

 

You watch the BBC news, they sit there on the sofa, a SOFA, get back behind a desk, and theres a story breaking, say, on the benefits of working out before you eat a curry, rather than after, and they go to Dave from Donnington, “Dave tweets that he was once sick after running for the 98 bus after a curry, therefore thinks that it would be better to work out before eating the curry”, ok, thanks for that insight, but maybe get someone on that knows something about the issue, maybe someone with a nutritionist blog?

 

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