Oh Bum Bag Where For Art Thou

August 29, 2018

Dear Women,


I am not sure whether you understand how fortunate you are to be able to carry handbags. These wonderful bags are both stylish and superbly practical.


Rather than ruin the shape of your trousers or jackets, you are able to carry your wallets, purses, books and whatever else you wish within a simple and practical hand bag.


Men on the other hand are forced to stuff all of these items in their pockets. This creates a quadruple threat. You take on the appearance of somebody suffering from odd bulges across your body, it is uncomfortable when sitting down as invariably your back pockets are stuffed with items, you become a likely victim of pick pockets and it becomes likely that you will lose one or more of these items over the course of an evening.


The closest that men have to a handbag is the bum bag or as the Americans peculiarly describe it, the fanny pack. While these are, in theory, a superb male alternative to the handbag they are sadly viewed with universal derision. Despite being practical, easy to use and having an enormous list of benefits, these bags can simply not be worn in public. They are to male accessories what black face is to make up. 


There a few items that can illicit immediate horror just at the very sight of them; if you don’t believe me please sport one this weekend at your next social event and see the reaction of the other guests. While it may be hard to believe, there was a period of time in the 80s when these bags were worn openly without the fear of humiliation. Alas these days are long gone, something happened along the way and now these bags are as socially unacceptable as a nudist attending a funeral in Saudi Arabia.


While you can easily trace when the small, centralised moustache that was once popular with many a discerning gentleman became taboo (when it became known as a Hitler moustache), it is a mystery as to why the bum bag/fanny pack became a taboo as well?


Whatever the reason, I hope that somebody manages to give these bags a comeback. It would not take much to make the bum bag/fanny pack a universally accepted accessory, all it needs is for a cultural icon to be brave enough to start the revolution. 


Until then, please spare a thought for all of the men having to carry everything from their phone, wallet and house keys in their pockets and appreciate the joy of your handbag.


Yours Sincerely,


A Man

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