Flip Flops

May 30, 2018

Flip flops are a strange invention; a lazy shoe that is perfect for a lazy holiday. However, I am becoming increasingly unsure as to whether the flip flop has a place outside of a beach resort. I live in an urban setting, where on weekends the humble flip flop has become the shoe of choice for almost all men and children walking around the City.


This creates two issues; firstly the Hobbit-esque toes of numerous unkept men are visible for all to see and secondly there is a basic hygiene issue as the flip flop does very little to protect the sole of the feet from the dirt of the roads and pavements; dirt that is then transported back into homes and restaurants across the City. An unpleasant state of affairs. 


After looking briefly online for any other like minded people on this topic it became apparent that I am not alone in this concern about the misuse of flip-flops. Unfortunately, it appears that I find myself in agreement with a tyrannical dictator, Idi Amin. His distaste for flip flops was so extreme that he outright banned them during his reign in Uganda and once rounded up hundreds of flip flop wearers in the streets and forced them to either eat their footwear in front of him or be shot by his death squad. I think we can all agree that such draconian methods are too excessive in dealing with this situation; a simple campaign highlighting the horrors of the Urban flip flop would suffice or ,if nothing else, a bit of online shaming.


Having found myself in unlikely agreement with Idi Amin I wondered whether my distaste for people wearing the “wife beater” vest outside of the home was also shared with any other terrifying figures throughout history? Thankfully, while it seemed my view was wildly supported by others online, it did not seem to be one supported by any other dictators. That said, in some ways this was a little disappointing as it would help my campaign to ban passengers wearing said vests from travelling on planes if I had some political support for the measure.


This disappointment was short lived however, as I again found myself sartorially agreeing with another Dictator. I stumbled across an article in the Daily Mail reporting that Kim Jong Um had banned Jeans and body piercings; a measure that I would strongly advocate for all men over 35.  This coupled with my agreement with Idi Amin about flip flops has given me great cause for concern; am I becoming a facist? 


And so to remedy this situation, I have committed to read the Guardian throughout June, will listen to BBC Radio 4 Podcasts frequently and read Buzzfeed. Hopefully, by the start of July I will be able to consider myself Woke and no longer find myself agreeing with tyrannical Dictators.


Wish Me Luck

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