Business At The Front, Party At The Back

May 28, 2018

Ever since I was a teenager I have had an unhealthy obsession with the mullet haircut. I tried to grow one a couple of times but failed dismally. The first time was at University and I was too thin skinned to take the ridicule. The second time my girlfriend, now wife, moved into the spare room until I cut it off. I even tried cutting one on my son when he was about 2, but again the wife moved to the spare room and also threatened to call social services.


Although the hair style can be traced back to ancient Egypt, the term “mullet” was coined by the Beastie Boys in the early 1990’s. They have been particularly prevalent with failed 80’s musicians as well as sports stars, especially ice hockey. Chuck Norris, uncontested best action movie star from the 1980’s, has frequently worn a mullet. Other B list Hollywood stars wearing mullets include Steven Segal, Charlie Sheen, Jean Claude Van Damme, Patrick Swayze and, my personal hero, David Hasselhoff. If it’s good enough for them, its definitely good enough for anyone.


Aside from trying to emulate celebrity heroes, why would anyone actually want to grow one? That would be because they are both practical and stylish. The so called “business at the front, party at the back” is an excellent compromise for people with real jobs who want to show a little rock star. They also make a cost effective substitute to using sunscreen to protect ones neck. No doubt this has been a big factor in their success in the US south.


Don’t let their celebrity status fool you - mullets can be as dangerous as they are fashionable. Iran, in 2010, made it an imprisonable offense for men to have mullets (given the Iranian government’s abysmal track record on deciding what men and women can’t wear, one might have to take this with a pinch of salt). So they must be worn with extreme caution.


Fashions tend to go in cycles, so it may be time for the mullet to make a comeback. For those stylish souls who currently have a “man bun” it may be a natural evolution. Unfortunately due to family commitments I wont be able to join.

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